By Kathleen Flynn
Does the judicial system treat men differently than women when it comes to child custody and providing legal representation? A recent incident has made me wonder. My neighbor came home from work a month ago to find his live-in girl friend of three years gone. She had packed up all her things and left with their newborn son. He had no idea she was leaving. Being close to both of them and Godmother to their son, neither did I.
After trying to call her to no avail, he came to my door in tears asking me if I knew where she was. When she wouldn’t answer her cell phone for me, I advised him to call the Police. SJPD came out and tried calling her too but no luck. We suspected that she was at her mothers in Visalia. SJPD called the Visalia Police.
The Visalia Police finally reached the young woman who simply said, “I don’t want to live with him any more,” and the Visalia Police left it at that. SJPD let my neighbor know that it was now a civil matter, and after trying to console him a bit they left.
The next day, I made several calls and got advice on where to send him for legal assistance. Since he lost his job over this, he qualified for Legal Aid. He went down there but they refused to help him, citing not enough staff. An attorney I know who works in the Family Law Clinic had me send him to a free clinic in San Jose. After several hours wait, he had to fill out his own paperwork with very little guidance, take it down to the court, file it, and wait another ten days until the judge issued a court order.
I had him call the DA’s Office for help. Their office was very helpful and compassionate. The clerk had him come down immediately and fill out paperwork, so they could assist him. I asked the clerk why the Police didn’t put out an Amber Alert when the child was abducted. She said she didn’t know but that the mother could not leave the County with the infant without a court order. She advised that once the judge issued an order he was to bring it to them immediately so they could track her down and serve her.
Ten days later, the judge finally ordered the mother back to Santa Clara County and set a court date for September 18th. The judge knew the mother was unemployed, living with her mother — who is on drugs and on Welfare with three other children — and had abducted his child. Yet the judge refused to give him temporary custody, even though he lives with his fully-employed mother, and has the means and will to take care of his son. No visitation order before the court date was made either. The DA’s Office has spoken to the young woman to notify her that she must return immediately, but she has refused, so they are still working to locate her residence.
In the midst of all this, I have continually wondered: Would they have treated her the same way if the situation were reversed? Would Legal Aid, attorneys, authorities, the judge, and the judicial system have behaved with the same disinterest they have toward him? If he had taken the child, would they have asked her if she beat him, or beat her son, or cheated on him? I don’t believe anyone in authority would ask a woman those kinds of questions.
What do you think?
Kathleen Flynn is a professional mediator and community activist.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
The American Coalition for Fathers and Children is an organization that fights for father's right.
ReplyDeleteCheck it out at:
http://acfc.convio.net/site/PageServer?pagename=MissionStatement
Kathleen- it is refreshing to see a woman acknowledge that men are treated differently and unfairly sometimes. This guy sounds like he got it from both ends. Let us know how it turns out. Too many people are having kids without being married and that is part of the problem. At least if you're married you have some parental rights.
ReplyDeleteI do think men are treated differently than women. I work in security and I know I'm tougher on guys than women. We're brought up to treat women with respect and kid gloves even when they don't deserve it sometimes. That is just the way it is.
First of all, based on the facts you presented, this does not appear to be a case of child abduction. There is no court custody order on file and, as far as you stated, no threat by the mother that she will forever conceal the child from the other parent. The family court tends to consider that if a male who does not marry the mother of his child, that male tends to give up a goodly portion of his parental rights and family courts rulings often favor the mother. Whereas a woman has a right to an abortion, without male consent, so too it would seem does an unmarried mother/brooder, absent a formal court order, have a seemingly greater right to custody of the child than does the unmarried father/impregnator. This may not seem fair but it is biology.
ReplyDeleteIf either parent claims that the other is going to abduct the child, the child will most likely be taken into custody and placed in the Children’s Shelter until Juvenile Probation can hold a parental fitness hearing. It didn’t sound as if this was the situation in the immediate case you mentioned here.
If either parent claim that the other parent is abusing the child, the child may also be taken into protective custody and the other parent hopefully be criminally charged if an investigation can confirm that the parent knowingly made false statements in order to gain custody. I fully expect that both parents will inevitably begin accusing each other of unfitness and child abuse, in order to gain leverage in the family court custody hearings. Mutaul restraining order requests based on each accusing the other of threats of violence, both past and present, are also to be anticipated.
Unfortunately, so many of these situations are prompted by the current state of child support laws. The more custody time with the child that the parent has, the more, or less, (depending on who makes more money) that parent will pay or receive. It sounds to me like the father/impregnator could save himself a lot of money and grief in the future if he would just make better choices in women and use a condom.
As well, anyone who believes that a man cannot be raped by a woman has never looked at the child support payment schedule. There are those few women who make a career out of getting themselves knocked up by men with good jobs and then suing for child support. If a woman can have an out-of-wedlock child by a doctor, and a dentist and a successful attorney, she may very well end up making more total money from child support payments than any single one of them earns alone and she won’t have to get a job for the next 18 years. Again, this may not be fair to the higher wage earning spouse but it is reality.
Robillard,
ReplyDeleteAs Godfather to this infant, and as someone who has more knowledge about the situation, I couldn't disagree with you more. The mother refuses to allow the father to see the child, and has kept her where abouts hidden from him, the Police, and the DA's Office. Secondly, in his filing with the court the father told the judge that the mother and his son are living in an unfit, unsafe environment. The grandmother is on drugs, welfare with three children of her own, and moves around a lot. It seems to me that anyone who ignores a court order to return to the county, avoids the DA's calls, and won't disclose her where abouts to SJPD when they called her is indeed abducting the child.
Mr. Christian,
ReplyDeleteYou wrote:“… someone who has more knowledge about the situation”.
Excellent, more facts generally lead to more accurate conclusions.
You wrote:“It seems to me that anyone who ignores a court order to return to the county, avoids the DA's calls, and won't disclose her whereabouts to SJPD when they called her is indeed abducting the child”.
If, as you say, the mother is ignoring a court order, then she must have been made aware that there was a court order for her to ignore, i.e., her whereabouts must have been known at the time she was served with the court order or it does not apply until she is served. If she is ignoring the DA’s calls, then the DA must have a phone number for her or the call could not be placed so that it could be ignored. If the mother has not been served with a court order, she cannot violate it.
You wrote:“…the father told the judge that the mother and his son are living in an unfit, unsafe environment. The grandmother is on drugs, welfare with three children of her own, and moves around a lot”.
If, as you say, and as the father has told the court, the child is living in an unsafe environment, then the location of this environment must be known in order to be determined to be unfit.
I can predict, with little concern (though with much hope) for being proven wrong later that just as the father has told the court about what a terrible, disgusting, dope using, abusive loser the grandmother and the mother are and how unfit and unsafe the conditions the child is living in with them are, so too will the mother (if she hasn’t already) allege the same things of the father in her court papers.
Now, keeping in mind that the mother did have a natural right of custody at the time she left with the child, (Not to worry though, the condition of the child, as well as some sort of visitation most likely, will become apparent when the mother/brooder slaps the demand for child support on the father/impregnator. He gives up a good portion of his parental rights by not having married the mother), here’s that pesky child abduction law from the Penal code: Section 278.7. (a) Section 278.5 (child abduction defined) does not apply to a person with a right to custody of a child who, with a good faith and reasonable belief that the child, if left with the other person, will suffer immediate bodily injury or emotional harm, takes, entices away, keeps, withholds, or conceals that child…(b) Section 278.5 does not apply to a person with a right to custody of a child who has been a victim of domestic violence who, with a good faith and reasonable belief that the child, if left with the other person, will suffer immediate bodily injury or emotional harm, takes, entices away, keeps, withholds, or conceals that child. "Emotional harm" includes having a parent who has committed domestic violence against the parent who is taking, enticing away, keeping, withholding, or concealing the child.
Now then, the mother will undoubtedly say, if she hasn't already said, that the father has committed (unreported but maybe reported and “the cops did nothing”) domestic violence against her in the past so she had to flee and keep her whereabouts hidden until she could retain counsel (and if I can anticipate, she probably has no job other than possibly collecting child support payments from previous children from other relationships) so it took her awhile to straighten things out before she could let the DA and everyone else know her whereabouts. I hope I’m wrong but something tells me I won’t be.
I seriously doubt there is prosecutable child abduction here. At this point, you have a father with a major inconvenience and a child who will be used as a pawn in a cynical, vindictive game between the two parents. What were the ages of these parents, late teens or early 20’s perhaps? Do the father and mother have criminal records?
Robillard,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your legal expertise. I think the point of this article is to make unmarried fathers aware of the risks they are running in not filing for joint custody at the time of their child’s birth, to shed light on the inequality of fathers and the legal system, and to get people talking and educating one another.
The only contact information available to the father, the DA, and the Police was her cell number. The DA’s Office DID speak to her and informed her of the court order. She made it clear she would not come back. When they tried to call her again to get her address, she did not return their calls.
Neither parent has a criminal record. Yes they are in their 20s. The reason the mother gave for leaving was that she wanted him to earn more money, and take her more places. The father and mother used to live with the grandmother before they got pregnant and both said she was a drug user, on Welfare with three kids, living in a small house. That is why they moved here to SJ.
This father is a good man who is fighting for the right to be a part of his son’s life, and care for his son. Children want to know that their father loves and cares enough about them to fight for them. That should matter to the court too, not the gender of the parent.
Robillard-
ReplyDeleteYou sound like you work in the system. Kathleen's article said the only way to get a hold of this girl was her cell phone. Obviously when the cops talked to her she would have said she left because he supposedly beat her, but she didn't or the cops would have told the father that right?
I think the judge should have cared about the statement he/she was given by the father. The baby's well being should be what the judge focused on. Sounds like the papers didn't even get read. How many single fathers file for custody in a day? Not many I bet. This order sounds screwy to me.
Glad the DA's Office has been helpful to him. Someone needs to be.
Trained Observer,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your post. I will pass it on to my neighbor, and I will pass it on to other professionals I work with.
Mr. Christian,
ReplyDeleteSir,
Previously you said: “the father told the judge that the mother and his son are living in an unfit, unsafe environment. The grandmother is on drugs, welfare with three children of her own, and moves around a lot”.
Subsequently, you said: “The father and mother used to live with the grandmother before they got pregnant and both said she was a drug user, on Welfare with three kids, living in a small house”.
Father knew grandmother was a drug user yet chose to live there and bring a child into the supposed unsafe environment there (Scientists know what causes children nowadays). I have little sympathy for either side, except the child, who will unfortunately grow up to do the same.
It is not so much that the system favors the woman as it is that it disfavors the dim-witted. The father needs a condom not a court order. If mom wants money, she’ll get it and he’ll then get her whereabouts: Simple, yet inconvenient (for father/impregnator), solution. People should more responsible and not blame the system, imperfect as it may be.
Mr. Robillard,
ReplyDeleteWith all due respect, I disagree that the legal system gives men a fair shake when it comes to child custody and visitation. Unless the mother is a drug-using prostitute caught on video by the Police, getting custody of a child from the mother is very difficult even if you are the father, or a grandparent. If it were easy to do, then there wouldn’t be organizations like “The American Coalition for Fathers and Children,” popping up everywhere.
The good news is that the DA, with the assistance of the Visalia Police has served her, and will follow through on making sure she complies or suffers the consequences of not following a court order. I'm glad the DA's Office has done such an excellent job in enforcing the law.
The neither the mother or father does drugs. I said, "prior to" getting pregnant, they lived with her mother and moved to San Jose because she was on drugs. They were engaged and were planning a wedding when she got pregnant.
The father's mother is a hard working, decent, gainfully employed, non-drug using grandmother. The father is now gainfully employed too. I helped him get a job in Security with a good company that offers health care as well as a decent wage. He passed the background check, and drug test with flying colors. He started his new job last week. He is in counseling, and is taking childcare courses too.
Legal Aid has finally called him and offered to assist him in getting a pro-bono attorney. With any luck they’ll follow through so he doesn’t have to go through this alone.
I agree children are the ones who suffer in the end. Too many kids are having kids. Men need to take a good hard look at sharing in the responsibilities and consequences of procreation, and stop leaving birth control/child rearing to women. When having kids out of wedlock, couples need to start thinking about the consequences of not following through on filing for joint child custody. This could happen to them too.
Robillard,
ReplyDeleteChristian said they moved out because the mother used drugs. I think the system does favor women over men and mothers over grandparents. I have a friend who had to fight for custody of her grandson because her son and daughter in law were drug abusers. It cost her thousands of dollars in just court fees, never mind getting a lawyer. The judge finally gave her custody after CPS had found them to be unfit years and years later.
Guys need to zip it up if they aren’t going to support and be a part of their kid’s lives. Kids especially boys are getting in trouble because their fathers are MIA. It is a disgrace how many how many women are sitting on Welfare pumping out kids.
Kids don’t even know their Dads. The lack of male role models leads to all kinds of problems.
Between courts and Police Departments being understaffed and over worked I think we're in a world of crap. The only ones who pay for this gross neglect of staffing are victims and children. When are officials going to wake the hell up and put public safety before golf courses and festivals? I guess when some dies and sues the hell out of them.