You Are Not Alone!

By Kathleen Flynn

A rape prevention class saved my fiancé’s life and mine when we were victims of road rage that could’ve ended in a stabbing.

We were driving home one night after a late night meeting. We were stopped at a stop sign. An SUV sped up behind us and passed too close, almost hitting us. My fiancé honked his horn — a natural reaction — and I watched in horror as the driver spun around and started chasing after us. Of course this would be the one time we didn’t have our cell phone with us so we were pretty much on our own until we could get to a phone.

Even in my terror, I began to remember what I was taught in the rape prevention class I took. They said to try to remain calm in a crisis, never drive home if you are being followed and whenever possible, drive to the nearest police station, or brightly lit busy convenience store. I told my fiancé to pull down a side street, and not into our driveway, and to get on the main street as soon as possible. The SUV caught up and cut us off, boxing us in behind a parked car. The driver got out, stood in front of my car, and started threatening to kill us.

He didn’t look like the creeps you see in the movies, quit the contrary. I was deeply struck by the fact that the man standing before us was an attractive, blonde haired, blue eyed, young man in his late 20s early 30s. He didn’t have any tattoos, was nicely dressed, and spoke in a soft voice. The only thing that gave me cause for alarm besides the fact that he had chased us down, and was threatening to kill us was the crazy look in his eyes.

My fiancé got so angry he started to roll down the window to yell at the guy. Another thing we were told never to do, so I begged him not to, and to lean on the horn non-stop instead, in the hopes that someone would call 9-1-1. It was rather frightening to see that people looked out their windows but that no one came out, or called the Police. Something that the instructor told us would likely happen in these kinds of situations.

Undaunted by the horn, the driver proceeded to the passenger window while pulling out a knife. This move cleared a way for us to escape. I got the man’s license plate number as we were backing out, and we drove to a well-lit gas station and called 9-1-1.

The police came immediately, took down our information, but never caught the guy, as far as we know. The officer told us we did the right thing by taking the actions we did, and gave us instructions on what to do to get home safely. He assured us that the guy was probably high on something, was long gone, and most likely wouldn’t even remember doing this in the morning.

I barely slept a wink for days. I kept seeing the terrifying scene every time I closed my eyes. I was frightened to go outside because this took place right next to my home. I was sure he was outside watching, laughing, and waiting to “kill us.”

After three days of hiding and canceling appointments, I reflected on my work with victims of violent crimes. In almost every case, the crimes they experienced were random, not intentional. When victims realized that they were not targeted but rather victims of random crimes, they were able to find a bit of peace.

The phrase “random acts of violence” kept running through my head. Then I got angry. The reality was that I didn’t know this guy, and he didn’t know me. He was just a bully high on something who randomly chased us down the street. That anger turned into empowerment. I was taking my power, and my love of life back! I wasn’t going to stay a prisoner of fear any more; I was going to get on with my life just like he had.

I decided to share this story because all of us have the same emotional reactions to being victimized. Whether you have experienced a crime as simple as vandalism or as devastating as rape, you are going to feel outrage, fear, and a sense of helplessness. It is nothing to be ashamed of; it is a natural response to having our sense of security and safety violated.

Also, when we don’t report crimes we are enabling thugs like this to hurt someone else. Two of the most important things to do when you’ve been victimized by a crime are report it to the police, and talk about it with someone you trust. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at the support you’ll receive and how many stories similar to yours you will hear. And if you’re like my fiancé and want to confront the guy, please DON’T! There’s no reason to lose your life over something like this.

I also want people who are here illegally to know that if someone violates you or commits a crime against you or a family member, please report it to the Police. They will not report you to ICE, nor will you be deported. Too many undocumented immigrants are victimized and don’t report it to the authorities. Whether you are a legal or illegal citizen, no one has the right to harm you or your property and get a way with it.

I’d like to invite readers to share their stories. Tell us how you coped with or are coping with being a victim of a crime. Please add any resources you have used or know of that would help others.

Kathleen Flynn is a professional mediator and community activist.